Comments on Life at Star's Rest: I've been thinking again... I know it's dangerou...

Thank you for this post. Hearing this from someone...

2009-07-13T20:16:53.487-07:00

Thank you for this post. Hearing this from someone with so much passion and experience is very comforting.

For me, the realization that Canyon needed to go was tough. While I loved him, we had gotten to a place where we were stuck.

And I was getting scared.

And given his tendency to get scared in the first place, it was definitely a bad combo.

I was definitely sold on beauty, sold on a dream, and held on because I feared what would happen to him without me. But it was time. So I let go of the illusion and faced facts.

And somehow it worked out brilliantly.

I have a road to ride back now, because I've lost something. Confidence. Trust. Which is a blog post, probably. Hopefully I can find it with a quieter horse and a humbled soul.

But I'm going into this with a very different eye. And as much help as I can find.

Cont. On the ground, Baby Doll was the first hors...

2009-07-12T21:19:42.411-07:00

Cont.

On the ground, Baby Doll was the first horse I ever felt safe with handling her feet, walking her, grooming her, bathing her. She was the first horse I ever learned to ride bareback on, and I trusted her.

But I only rode her in the round pen or arena. And even when I rode her in the arena, she was stubborn with me. In hindsight I should have made sure she could be ridden on the trails before taking her home, because that is what I yearned to do.

On the trail she is not a willing partner, and although at first I believed that her stubborness and barn sour attitude was a good lesson in self confidance and experience for me, I've since realized that all it did was frighten me, cause tension, and eventually suck the joy right out of my dreams of having my first trail horse.

I love Baby Doll with all my heart and it is more painful than I can ever explain that I have to admit that she may not be the right horse for me. When I considered finally buying my own horse I wanted it to be my forever horse. The horse I kept with me, and grew close as partners, until it died of old age.

I thought I got lucky with Baby Doll. I thought she was my forever horse.
And yes, I've considered just keeping her around to maybe ride slowly in the round pen, or even for my hubby to ride her. But he's more of a novice than I am. And I know how Baby Doll tries to bolt and run back home for the barn. I don't want him to get hurt as I've been hurt.

And also, I have to consider that Baby Doll was never meant to be with me, and that the right person for her is out there waiting to be connected with her. It's my duty to her, and my love for her that will try to help find that person for her. Because money is not the issue, but making sure she's goes to a safe, loving, and responsible and experienced home is more important.

But all of this makes me so sad. Because I will miss seeing her granny white stockings in the paddock, and her big white rump and black splashes and white lightning bolt on her neck.
And then I will be without a horse. And how will I ever be able to find the right horse for me? How will I be able to find a horse that can help me find self confidance again and is happy to be a patient, willing and calm partner for me?

I can't imagine my life without a horse, but I'm afraid that the next horse I bring home won't be the right horse either....and I don't want to get hurt again, or wait until I'm too old to finally find a dear equine friend.

What you said here, truly speaks my heart:
"I expect my horse to keep me safe and to be fun to ride. Following my own personal taste, I want them to be sensitive to the riding aids and to move freely and well. I want them to be safe on the trails and respectful of my safety and of other horses and riders."

Thank you for writing such a meaningful and heartfelt post, Carmon. I'm sorry it took me this long to work my way over here to read it. But I'm glad I finally did.

(((HUGS)))
~Lisa

Wow. I sure have missed a lot with me not stopping...

2009-07-12T21:19:20.087-07:00

Wow. I sure have missed a lot with me not stopping by for a while. So sorry about that Carmon. I appreciated everything that you said in this post. And I was surprised to read that you have respect for me concerning the difficulties my mare and I have been going through in our relationship.

I have to admit as I was reading I sort of got defensive and bristly about this part:

"The point of all of this is that if our happiness lies in believing our horse will somehow 'fix' us, or that in somehow 'fixing' our horse we will find happiness, or success, or recognition, or whatever tag you have attached to riding and having a horse, then everyone eventually gets hurt. The weight of a rider combined with the weight of those kinds of expectations is just too heavy for any horse to carry. Our happiness shouldn't be derived from the horse; it should be shared with the horse."

Not even sure exactly why, except that maybe some of it may even be true in my situation.
I never did go out looking for a pretty paint horse, even though my daughter had told me long ago that she wanted an 'orca horse'. In fact my dream horse was a buckskin or a bay. And in reality, color was never important. I just needed to feel safe around the horse and feel some kind of connection.

The fact that Baby Doll was a paint horse may have had a small part in swaying me into buying her in the end, even though I took lessons on her and visited her several times a week for over 2 months before I finally pulled out a pay check.

(For some reason I have to continue this comment in another comment post, as they tell em it's too long. Go figure....to be continued....)

You know a lot of what you said in your post about...

2009-07-06T11:49:47.226-07:00

You know a lot of what you said in your post about expectations from horses could be related to people too. Very thought provoking Carmon.

Hi Carmon: Here's a great YouTube video I just re...

2009-07-06T11:21:58.797-07:00

Hi Carmon:

Here's a great YouTube video I just received today - for all of you who rescue horses...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8iSYMkFO2A

Sometimes we redeem ourselves as a species. This was one of those times.

SVG

Enjoyed reading your musings. I've known a lot of...

2009-07-06T09:41:01.283-07:00

Enjoyed reading your musings. I've known a lot of people who have found theirselves in that place. Me included. I've had better horses than the one I am riding now, but none that I bonded with like her. Makes it worth the ride.
http://horsetrailriders.blogspot.com/2008/06/my-dream-horse.html

Cheryl Ann, sorry for the loss of Beauty.

Thank you for taking the time to write this. Hang...

2009-07-06T06:28:36.192-07:00

Thank you for taking the time to write this. Hanging on; letting go. Trusting ourselves to know when to do either is a massive trust.

This so fits in with my personal stuff right now. ...

2009-07-05T23:05:34.671-07:00

This so fits in with my personal stuff right now. Letting go of expectations I mean.

Btw I would love to hear more about Llego. He's so beautiful and sweet-looking.

Carmon, I lost my Beauty, who WAS my riding horse,...

2009-07-05T19:19:06.809-07:00

Carmon, I lost my Beauty, who WAS my riding horse, last week. Now I am at a loss of what to do...
Something is in the works, that's all I can say for now.